Bands That Defintiely Already Exist

Every so often I think of or hear a phrase and think "a band has definitely already taken that as their name", or in some cases "a bunch of people have probably formed a band just so they could call themselves that". With that in mind, let's wack a few of em into Google.

The Kansas City Faggots [LINK]
They use this sample from Blazing Saddles as the inspiration for their name and the intro to Tan Yer Hide. There's been much talk of late of a Western with a black main character. Let us not forget this fine example which came long before Mr Tarantino single handed raised the issue of slavery into an international dialogue which eventually led to freedom for all mankind. I quite like TKCF. Garagey rock'n'rolly punk from Texas.


Urethra Franklin [LINK1]
I searched this name and prepared myself to find a hilariously offensive metal band, I'd failed to consider the obvious notion that they'd be a Blink-esque pop punk band. The song with the video, Hide the Bottle, is a bit like Blink-182 or Alkaline Trio if the bass players in those bands got way too excited and the drummers were fucking obsessed with their double-bass pedal. None of the above is critical in any way. I fucking love pop punk and ridiculous kick drums. On the other hand their bio starts with the following: "Formed in Wildwood, New Jersey, this 3-piece alt-punk outfit has pushed the boundaries of not only band names, but what people consider "Punk"." which would be fine if they were 13 and didn't know any better, but by now they should be less twatty. I skimmed over the rest of the bio and had to stop reading before it ruined their music and hilarious name for me forever.

There are about 50 other bands called Urethra Franklin. Here's one, who have a Bio that's just as silly. You can forgive them for their mock-epic indulgence though because they're obviously taking things less seriously, and the first song sounds a bit like if all Bomb The Music Industry!'s songs were about nonsense and cocks and shit, which is something I haven't heard before at least. Also they haven't used Myspace since 2009. Sensible.

This Urethra Franklin are a 3rd rate CpH without any of the fun. Don't even bother.

And then finally I find what I originally thought I would, and this Urethra Franklin are clearly the most fucking awesome of all. That'll do.

The Planet Pluto [LINK]
Either: "We need a name that's mildly retro and cool but also kind of nerdy and inherently sorrowful in a cosmic way; 'a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it'" or "We chose this name before the planet was downgraded and now we are pissed off". This band sound like they're gonna be alright every so often, but then you realise they're not very good at all. I feel like most of the riffs in A Stellar Death are entirely lifted from something else, but I can't think what. It sounds a bit like if U2 were more into grunge. If that's the kind of thing you're into then this band are for you, but it also means you're a twat.


Ghostwolves / The Ghost Wolves [LINK]
Mitch Clem of NN2S made a joke of the name Ghostwolves which involved it making his punk band immediately more popular for various reasons. The Ghost Wolves are the kind of band I'd probably love to see in a pub.

Bene Gesserit [LINK]
Seeing as there's a hardcore band called Shai Hulud it only stands to reason there'd be other Dune names out there. From what I bothered to gather, they're some kind of minimal electro outfit from Belgium. I'm not going to listen to any of their music, because even if I don't hate it as much as I assume I will, it's definitely not gonna top the excellent design of their website. Makes me miss Geocities.

Rugmuncher [LINK]
More fantastic band bio literature that I'll never tire of reading: "Rugmuncher is a darker shadow of its earlier self, EVOLUTION REVOLT. WashClorox and Phlag Burner decided to show everyone what real rebellion is. What real danger is. November 2007 spawned this noise that will make sure you know that they are on the stage.Why this name? There were various changes... BLACK COFFEE was the original name.. But the song "RUGMUNCHER" was written and the name was more suited for the dirty attitude of the band. Do you play live? Not yet. Fear is a big factor." They seem young though, or probably were in 2007, so it's not really fair to take the piss out of someone's band from over 5 years ago.

Gobstopper [LINK]
Searched for on the basis of "there's probably a band called this even if they're just a fan of the sweets, if not as a conscious Jawbreaker reference". Leatherfacey. Songs sound all different. 2 of them are shit.